Life we don't want
by keraell
Summary: Pre-series. Sam just left, leaving John and Dean behind. But Dean is keeping something from his Dad. Sick!Hurt!Dean GoodFather!John
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Characters and original story does not belong to me, it's all Kripke and CW._

_Sam just left for Stanford leaving John and Dean alone. But Dean is keeping secrets and John doesn't really know what to do. What will happen? It will be a very sick hurt Dean, good John and maybe some Sammy later on._

Sammy left; a day ago he shut the door in John's face and took off to face a brighter future to become a lawyer. Leaving John and Dean shell shocked to do their thing, which was hunting or at least they thought so cause at this moment just merely fifteen hours since the second most horrible thing in Winchester family history happened, they had no idea what's going on, what they supposed to do. They're not use to being a duo, being a trio is what they know.

John feels guilty, angry, ashamed, disappointed and a million of other emotions but mostly he is worried. Worried about Sammy, he's baby boy is going to be alone and unprotected in a big scary world that is even scarier when you're a Winchester, he's worried about Dean he's brave solider, his son has been so quite since yesterday, withdrawn. John could only hope that it will pass after the immediate shock. But he needs to stay strong for Dean and for his quest. They still have their job, but it would be so easy to just curl into a ball and mourn for their broken family. He looked up from his half empty glass of some cheap whiskey at his now only child. Dean was browsing the channels not really watching anything; eyes empty all the emotions safely hidden behind his walls. John wished he was a type of father his children could come to and speak honestly about their emotion. But one child running away and the other doing everything not to look him in the eye are a clear sign his everything but that kind of parent. So he decided to keep up his commander attitude Sammy hated so much and pretend as though nothing had happened.

'Dean? You hungry? We could go to this dinner at the corner grab a burger.' Dean's empty gaze moved slowly from the TV to John, after a moment of hesitation his faced shifted into a little unsure smile.

'Sure Dad, I'm starving' For the time being they can pretend nothing have changed.

'Let's take a walk, as I said it's close'

And for the next two weeks they pretended that everything is the same. More accurately they behaved like Sam never existed. And it started getting better, b also weird. Dean new their father loves them but now that they're without Sam, John's been a lot more touchy-feely. Asking Dean how is he feeling, clapping him on a back more often. And even if it was too little and too late, Dean was grateful for this contact. It felt good to know he still counted to someone. But it was also dangerous for Dean to let John in, to drop the gourd. So he found a hunt, a simple one and decide to play John into going alone.

'Found a hunt, in Colorado, so pretty close. Simple salt and burn, wanna take it?'

'If you want to, we can'

'Well, actually I was thinking you could go alone, you see this waitress at a diner, well let's just say Mindy and I get along very well.' John groans.

'Ok, ok, I don't want to hear it anymore. Are you sure? You'd stay alone you know?'

'Well thank you Captain Obvious. I'm a big boy now, can even tie my shoes you know. I think I can handle'

"Watch it boy.' John tried to be stern but was really happy for a lighter tone to their conversation. 'Okay I think I can go, save some people'

'Cool, when will you leave?'

'It's 4pm so I will pack up now, take a look at you research and leave first thing in the morning'

'Sounds like a plan, do your thing I will go to the laundry mat you could use some clean clothes for your trip' and they both got into motion.

Dean walked out the door and let the relive wash over him; he wouldn't need to pretend, at least for few days. He has to go to the pharmacy to buy every medicine known to men. He was just fooling himself; he knew it would not help him. But he lies to people on daily basis; he can lie to himself as well.

But the truth is, for the past few weeks, even before Sammy left, closing now on two months he wasn't feeling to well. He's always tired this days, doesn't have an energy for a simples task so truth be told Sam's departure three weeks ago has been like a lifeline. He and John stop hunting after that and were basically staying in the same place, in the back of their minds they were both probably hoping Sam will change his mind and come back. So till now Dean was golden, but today he could barely get out of his bad and had to try very hard to contain his pain and weakness so John want notice. He had to think fast and a solo hunt for Dad seemed like a perfect idea. He left the house and made his way to the Impala and then pharmacy.

John's eyes couldn't leave the door his son had disappeared behind. Dean worried him, he knew that when Sam left it hurt Dean but now he seemed to lose weight, he developed a dark circles under his eyes, not to mention a grimace that seemed to show on his face whenever he thought John is not looking at him. And now he's son is sending him on a hunt. Of all things that was a red light for John to takes matters in his own hands. He will go on a hunt but will spend most of it trying to figure out what's wrong with his son, he will give Dean those few days but if he comes back to the same situation, well John Winchester will resolve it.

**3 days later**

John was on his way back to Dean. He decided to call ahead and let Dean know his coming today so there's no awkwardness when 'Mindy' leaves. His son picks up after the six signals.

Dean woke up to the phone ringing close to his ear, he had no idea how long he slept. He knew that none of the meds help him and that something was seriously wrong. He couldn't deny it anymore. He picked up the phone.

'Hello' he's voice sounds horse from sleep and tiredness.

'Dean, you in bed?' just what Dean was expecting

'Uhh no, just a quick nap'

'Sure son, whatever you say' John said with a smile 'Just make sure that front is clear for me, I'll be home in about half an hour'

'Sure Dad, want me to cook something for dinner?'

"If you don't mind than sure I'm starving'

"Good, see you soon' He hang up and put his head in his hands, gathering his strength, he had to tidy up and cook something as he promised. But his stomach hurt, he's muscles hurt, he had a fever but wasn't ill. And now he was scared, he knew something was seriously wrong and he would have to come clean to his Dad.

John walked up the stairs, happy to be with the last member of his family that actually enjoyed his company.

'Hi Dean, I'm here' walking into a kitchen he could already smell his sons spaghetti, Dean became quite a cook over the years. Dean turns around and every other word freezes in John's mouth. If John thought Dean wasn't looking good when he left, now he didn't have words to describe his son's appearances.

"Hi Dad, dinner is about rea…'

But before he could finish the sentence he was collapsing into John's arms.

TBC

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_Thanks everyone for reading. Hope you enjoyed it. Please review and tell me if you would want me to continue. I will update as soon as I can. Thanks xxx_

_And Marry Christmas! 3_


	2. Chapter 2

_What's going on with Dean? You're going to find out in this chapter. Enjoy._

'Dean! Dean!' John lowered his son to the ground and franticly started to check for his vitals. He breathe a sigh of relive when he felt a sluggish plus beat against his fingers.

'Dean, son come on don't do this, you have to wake for me, come on, enough of this beauty rest' he was slapping Dean's chicks, John's heart was beating faster in his chest with every second Dean remain unconscious. And then his son's eyelids flatter.

'That's it Buddy, no more sleeping, open those eyes'

'Dad? What the hell happened' Dean slurred his words, his vision still blurry. He felt so tired. Wait, is he on the floor?

'You collapsed that's what happened. Damn Dean you look like hell, are you hurt?'

'I'm fine just help me up' John hauled Dean to his feet and if he was scared before now he was terrified, Dean's frame was a lot thinner than it should be and he let John take most of his weight. He help his son settle in a chair.

'Speak.'

'What? What to do you want me to say?'

'Well there's clearly something wrong people don't normally collapse in a middle of a sentence so spill, did you manage to get hurt while I was away? Or did you catch something from your hook up?' Dean looked offended at that.

'Hey! All my hook ups are well respected ladies with no diseases' But then he lowered his head and took a deep breath 'Besides, there were no ladies for my while you were away, I didn't stand a foot outside a house'

'Then what's wrong son?' John's voice was a lot gentler now, he could see his son wasn't alright and he didn't want to add his anger to the mix.

'I'm sick I guess, been sick for over two months now if I'm correct and it just getting worse'

John who was sitting at the table across from Dean shoots up from his seat.

'And it never occurred to you to mention anything, you just decided to sit and wait, for what to kick the bucket?' He winced even as the words were leaving his mouth, and then he clasps his hand over his face because what if it's going too happened? No, no, no Dean's alright they will just go to the doctors and sort him out. Right now thought Dean looked miserable.

'Ok, ok never mind. You told me now, we'll take care of it. Come on can you stand up?'

'Dad I'm sorry, I thought it was just a cold at first, then Sammy left and everything was wrong I didn't wanted you to worry'

'Jesus Dean, of course I worry about you, and I know it wasn't easy those past few weeks but things like this happened you tell me ok. I can't… I can't lose you too'

He locked his eyes with Dean hoping his son will understand and also searching for his emotions which always shone brighter in those green eyes.

He helped Dean up and started to stir him towards the door.

'Yyy, Dad where are we going?'

'To the hospital' and a lack of argument from Dean told him so much more about his son's condition it almost crushed him to the floor.

None of them utter a word on the ride to the hospital. They were both too scared to talk. Dean knew he should say something, maybe apologias again. He screwed up, he probably has some uncured infection playing havocs on his body. And now his Dad will leave his worthless ass.

What he didn't notice was John's white knuckle grip on the stirring wheel and a worrying crease forming on his forehead.

They pulled up at a parking lot of Great Plains Regional Medical Center. John running around a car to help Dean, again shocked that he needed help at all.

They made their way to the reception desk.

'Hello miss, my son collapsed today and he told me he's been sick for 2 months now, he lost weight and his very weak, can you please tell what we should do?' John said without stalling. Dean groaned he hated being treated like 5 years old.

'Sir, you would have to fill those forms and then a doctor will come to see you'

Dean left his Dad a task of filling the forms, he didn't really kept a good track of their aliases, but when he looked over his Dad's shoulder and saw his real surname he was truly surprised.

'Dad, are you alright'

'Why?'

'You've just put our real name on those forms, now we need to ask for the new one'

'No Dean, we don't know what's wrong with you, we can't risk using a fake insurance'

Dean nodded, but his insides were twisting, he's dad thought something is really wrong, it did nothing to keep up Dean's good spirit and 'probably just a flu' way of thinking...

They've waited over an hour until someone finally called them into a small examination room.

'Mr. Winchester I'm Dr. King I'm going to examine you today, and I assume you're a father' he extended his hand first to Dean and then to John.

'Dean Winchester, Ok doc do your thing so I can bust this joint fast.' Dean's hate to hospitals and doctors came back to him the moment he walked into this room. His fears about his health quickly transformed into discomfort.

'Mr. Winchester you're welcome to take a sit while I examine your son, Dean can you sit on this bed for me.' After he examine Dean, and ask the nurse to drew blood, he handed him a little urine cup which Den took with a disgust. After all was done they ask them to come back in two hours for the results. John wanted to grab something to eat to maybe find a motel closer to the hospital so Dean can rest there, but when he looked over at Dean, he's son was already fast asleep in one of the waiting room chairs, head lolling to the side. So he settled for sitting next to his son and wishing for Mary, for her warm hand, for her smile but mostly for someone to share the worry with.

**2 hours later.**

Dr. King hated those kinds of cases, this boy was so young, barely able to legally drink and now his life is about to change all because of this paper in his hands. He braced himself and smoothed his expression when he heard a knock on a door.

'Please come on in and take a sit'

'So doc, what's the verdict? Am I going to live?' Dean said with a fake cheer in his voice, in reality he was scared shitless of what the doctor has to say. His grin faded as he saw the look on doctor's face. He opens his mouth but before he could utter any words he heard John speaking.

'Doctor? What's wrong with my son?'

'Mister Winchester your son is a very sick young man. Dean you're suffering from what is commonly known as chronic lymphoid leukemia. Dean is in an unusual age for this type of cancer also the disease is spreading pretty fast from what we know now. We're going to have to do more test in those fallowing days to determine our course of action. We're talking biopsy, MRI and CT-scans. After that we will most likely start the chemo. Do you have any questions?'

John and Dean stared at the doctor with twin looks of disbelieve, shock and pain. It was impossible, there have to be some kind of mistake. Winchesters do not get sick, sure they have their guts ripped out by a Wendigo but they don't get cancer. Yet, here they are. Dean swallowed hard, he wanted to run and hide to leave this place behind, to forget the doctors words but instead he ask.

'What are my chances, how long do I have?'

'Dean!' Dread that washed over John was too much to handle. Chances? His son was asking about chances? No, no way, he's chances are 100% he's son is not dying!

'I'm not going to sugar coat it for you Dean. It's usually 30-40 percent of survival with this type of cancer. But from what we can tell now yours is spreading pretty fast. So your chances may be lower. But don't lose hope I believe we caught it right on time'

'Fuck you! 30 percent? You're a fucking doctor, you're supposed to cure people. Cure my son, give him 100% chances or get lost!' John couldn't listen to this anymore.

'Dad?' His perfect strong little boy sounded so scared, so lost. He had to stay strong for Dean. It's not about him, Dean is important now. He sat back down looked at his son and said softly.

'It's ok Dean, I'm sorry. You're going to be ok right. We're going to beat this thing together. Who else than a Winchesters right?' Dean nodded his head, he really wanted to believe his dad, he wanted to be strong like always.

'Ok Dr. King do what you have to do. But let me tell you this, you better cure my son you don't want to mess with me'

'Of course Mister Winchester we'll do everything in our powers to help Dean, we only have his best interest in mind'

**3 days later**

'Dean, John, I'm very sorry to say it but the cancer already spread to Dean's liver, he's going to have to undergo a surgery as fast as possible, we'll try and save the organ but we may be looking into transplantation. Dean is also already on bone marrow transplant list. Unfortunately at this point your chances of survival are hanging around 25 percent. I would like you to stay in the hospital from today onwards to begin the treatment.

Silence was the only answer he received.

TBC

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_Thanks to everyone who read the story. I will try to update regularly. Let me know if you want me to throw Sam into a mix? _


	3. Chapter 3

_Here it is chapter number three. Thank you all for your kind reviews, fallows and favorites xoxo_

Dean took a step back from the doctor, than another and just as he was starting to turn John realized his son is on a move.

'Dean? Where are you going?' concerned seeping into his words. Doctor words slashed right through John's soul, he could only imagine what they did to Dean.

'I …I can't. I can't be here, I ee have to, the Impala needs an oil change. I should do it… I' John's heart broke into million pieces at seeing his son so scared and helpless.

'Dean, you need to calm down ok, everything's going to be ok, but you need to stay here.' He was as slow and gentle as he could in approaching Dean, at that moment his son reminded him of a wild animal ready to bail at any sign of danger. But as he got closer there were no traces of Dean's initial outbreak, now he stood still, empty gaze fixed on something invisible. He's in shock, John realized.

'Dean, Buddy!' John snapped his fingers in front of Dean's face. He's eyes slowly moved to his Dad's and then like with a touch of magic wand John could almost see Dean's walls build up again. And he felt like his mind was splitting in half. On one hand he was grateful that Dean will pretend everything's ok, that he will keep up his attitude and John wouldn't have to deal with his son's emotions, but the other part of him screamed for his son to not do it, to let him in, let him help. But it was too late.

'Just kidding Dad, so doc when are you going to pump me full of your happy juice?'

Dr. King had no idea what just happened. One moment Dean was pale as ghost, ready to run and now the cockiness was seeping from him. He guessed it was boy's coping mechanism. Maybe he should call for psychiatrist consult?

'If you would fallow me, we'll get Dean settled in the room. I will consult your case with a surgeon and we'll schedule a surgery, hopefully this week.'

Dean was floating; he was detached from his body. They go him settle in the room, made him put on a hospital gown, attached some machines taking his vitals. He was still speaking with his Dad and Dr. King, even flirted with a nurse that came into his room. But it was all automatic, on the inside he already felt half dead, there was no hope, he learned early in his life that luck was not something Winchesters were often graced with. The moment his Dad spoke to him after his little breakdown he knew what his new purpose is going to be. Now he's going to focus on keeping up a good spirit for his Dad sake, and he would have to do everything in the short life he was left with to help John deal with his dead. Because he's going to die, there's no doubt about it. He didn't know yet if it's going to be on a surgical table or after chemotherapy, but had to get his Dad through it, maybe call Bobby or Pastor Jim so someone can keep John from doing something stupid. Then it occurred to him, that maybe he could call Sam. Would his brother come if he knew Dean was dying? No, he won't bother him, Sam made his decision, he left them, he left Dean he choose a different life, one Dean wasn't going to take from him. He made it his mission to keep his suffering to himself.

The next day and news that it brought to their family came definitely too quick. Both Dr. King and a new doctor, a surgeon Dr. Grisham decided that it would be best for Dean to undergo a surgery tomorrow. John was contemplating calling Sam. He knew they parted ways on very bad terms, but he had no doubt his youngest would come for his brother, his boys were so close. And Dean would definitely feel better with his little brother by his side, maybe it would keep his eldest spirit up, and God only knows how much that would help. John could see it in Dean's eyes, his boy thought he could fool him, John knew better, his child gave up. There was no fight, no will, and he felt like shaking his son at his, screaming at him not to give up. But he had no heart to do it, so he's going to call Sam and hope he will do the dirty job for him.

'Dean I'm going to the restroom, I will be back in a second'

'Sure Dad, I'm not complaining about my company' Dean nodded towards a nurse that came in to draw some of his blood, again.

'Yeah, ok' he send his son a smile that didn't really reached his eyes.

Outside of Dean's room he slumped on to a chair and put his head in his hands. With every passing hour he could see his son fading. Dean was slipping right through his fingers. Since Dean finally admitted he's sick, and even more since the doctor diagnosis. It was almost as though Dean was in denial about what's happening to him, but when he got a medical confirmation he's sickness finally took over his body completely. He just laid there, or actually mostly slept, weight melting of him, eating wasn't very appealing to Dean right now, constant grimace of pain which the doctor explain where his lymph's being attacked by the cancer. He wasn't even complaining about uncomfortable hospital bad.

John made a decision, he pulled out his phone and slide to Sammy's number

'This is Sam Winchester, leave your massage' John wasn't completely heartless despite what his youngest was thinking so he's not just going to leave a massage saying 'hey your brothers dying'. He waited for few more minutes and dialed again.

'Hello?'

'Sam?'

'Dad?'

'Listen Sam…'

'No Dad whatever you have to say, don't. You kicked me out, you have no right to call me now and put your crap on me. Just don't call me, I want pick up'

'Sammy!' But his son hang up on him, he debated calling Jim and maybe make him call Sam, but his youngest made it perfectly clear he wanted nothing to do with his family. It probably wasn't fair to neither Sam nor Dean but John's not going to try again. He sight heavily and made his way back to Dean's room.

It was late afternoon when Dean literally forced John to come back to the motel room to grab a shower and catch same sleep. And he agreed, heaving in mind a long day ahead of him when he's going to wait for Dean to be out of surgery tomorrow.

As soon as John left Dean was on a phone, first he wanted to call Bobby, older hunter having a special place in his life, but then he thought about what was to come, and decide a presents of a pastor would be suitable for John.

'Hello? Dean is that you my boy'

"Hi Pastor Jim how are you'?

'I'm fine, thank you. What can I do for you Dean, do you require any help form me?'

'Well, would you mind visiting Oklahoma?'

'Dean is something wrong?' Pastor could definitely hear a strain in Dean's voice

'Sam left, I'm in a hospital and I want you to take care of Dad'

'What? Dean what are you talking about? Where Sam gone? Are you hurt? Is your Dad hurt too?'

'Sam's at Stanford, he got full ride for pre-law. But he and Dad had a big fight so he pretty much disowned us' Dean said trying to make a light of it. 'And no, we're not hurt, but Dad's going to need you after..'

'After what Dean?'

'After I die' there he said it. What is it they say about 5 stages of grief? Acceptance is the last step isn't it?

'Dean! What's wrong, tell me!'

'I have cancer Pastor Jim, I'm pretty much screwed and you need to come and help Dad because he's going to lose it'

'O my Lord, of course I will come, of course. Do you want me to call Sam? Your brother will come I'm sure you would want him there'

'No, Sam left, he wanted a different live and I'm not going to ruin it for him'

'Ok, will talk about it when I get there. I will be there probably tomorrow afternoon'

'You would have to call Dad tomorrow to find him, I will be in surgery'

'Oh my, okey Dean you just keep fighting and I will pray for you. I'll be there as soon as I can'

'Thanks pastor Jim, really appreciate it'

'Don't mention it, your like family'

Dean hung up the phone and let out a long sigh, with Pastor Jim coming he knew someone is going to take care of Dad and that was all he needed right now. They gave him some awesome painkillers, and he didn't feel pain for the first time in weeks. He didn't fight sleep, hoping to wake up and find out it was only a horrible nightmare.

John was only able to sleep for few hours, he kept trashing and turning in bed and when he couldn't take it anymore he just made his way back to the hospital, only stopping in cafeteria for a cup of coffee.

He walked into Dean's room and sat quietly in a chair next to Dean bed. He couldn't grasp it with his mind that this sick young men was the same full of energy little boy. Damn it just six months ago Dean was unstoppable, either on hunt or with the ladies. How could John not see the changes that come to his boy? Was he so blinded by revenge that his child was slowly dying without him noticing? John felt like throwing up, nausea was building in him but then he heard his youngest voice loud and clear in his head '_it's always about you isn't it? Dean's sick but you will make it all about yourself'_. John shook his head and wished he slept some more. He rested his head on Dean's arm needing a contact with his son. He let few tears to track down his face when he felt a hand on is head. He quicly wiped his face and looked up at his son.

'It's ok Dad, it's going to be okay.'

**TBC**

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_Hope you liked it. _

_Just so you know I have no medical training so I'm sorry for any mistakes or if something sound ridiculous. Also for any mistakes in terms of grammar and spelling, I don't have a beta and I'm not a native speaker._

_Also just wanted to spread my love to every member of SPN Family that is struggling with hate on Tumblr. Stay strong, I love you xxx_


	4. Chapter 4

_It's not a dead fic! Remember. Chapter for my lovelies. _

_oOoOoO_

John was ashamed of himself. Once again his son was the brave one, the one to comfort him. Lousy father he was.

'Dean you should sleep, rest'

„Well I would if you weren't crying like a little girl'

'I'm sorry son, I shouldn't have come in the middle of a night'

'Relax Dad, its ok' they both smile sheepishly at each other not really sure what to say. Not used to showing emotions.

'Well, what do you suggest we do? It's a middle of the night, and were at the hospital so we have limited options'

'We can watch some TV'

So they sat side by side, watching Baywatch, commenting on Pamela's boobs, pretending for just few hours to be a normal family, just father and son relaxing together, trying to forget that tomorrow Dean is going under the knife. Forget that it may be a last time to do so.

oOoOoO

Next day came too quickly for them. Before they could spin their heads around Dean was being prepped for surgery. John approaches his son's bed and run his hand through his hair.

'Kiddo, I know that I don't say it enough, hell pretty much never, I always assume you know but Dean, I love you, I love you so goddamn much so I ask you for one thing, one thing and nothing else, keep fighting ok? I know it's hard but I promise son, we'll kick this cancers butt together'

Dean felt tears welling up in his eyes, he could barely recognize his Dad at that moment, he wished his Dad was like that more often and not only when he was dying, but you can't have everything can you?

'I love you too Dad, and I will fight as hard as I can'

'That's all I'm asking Buddy'

'Ok so is the chick-flick over now?' John smiled and nodded. 'Good, listen Dad…'

'Mister Winchester, we're ready for you, John you need to step outside, the nurse will show you to family's waiting area, we'll try to keep you updated as well'

'Ok, hang in there kiddo, see you soon' with that he left the room and fallowed a middle-age nurse to the small waiting room, he sat down on a blue chair and prayed for his son, to whatever God would listen.

OoOoOoO

Dean was in the surgery for two hours now, a nurse came in only to tell him that the procedure had started and since then he was waiting for any news, his head raised quickly when he heard someone enter the room, hoping for a doctor.

'Jim? What the hell are you doing here?!'

'Hello to you to Johnathan. Didn't Dean warn you I'm coming? He called me yesterday asking me to come.'

'He didn't say a word, damn it that kid is one sneaky bastard'

'John? How come you haven't thought about calling me when Sam left? Or now when Dean is sick'

'I… it's none of your business Jim' John always found it easier to hide his felling behind anger, it caused him many trouble over the years, but all Winchester man where stubborn sonofabitches and it's hard to break this habit.

'Of course it is, you're family, now I assume Dean's in surgery? Do you know how is it going?'

'No I have no fucking clue'

'Language John'

'Don't preach to me Jim, I'm not one of your faithful lambs'

'You will never change John, ok I'm going to get some coffee, and then you will tell me exactly what's been going on here'

OoOoOo

'Come on kid don't do this, fuck, there's too much blood, give him another unit, what are his stats?'

'Bp's dropping, he's going into shock, if we don't find the source of bleeding, we're going to lose him'

'Damn it he's crashing, 3 mg of epi, paddles…clear, come on kid, come on don't do this…clear'

oOoOoO

John was getting anxious, something must've gone wrong, he was sure of it.

'Why is it taking s fucking long' just as he said it, after 7 long hours the door finally open and both doctors Grisham and King stepped into the room.

'How's Dean? How did it go?'

'Mr. Winchester would you like to take a sit, and we will explain everything, I'm sorry sir who are you' He asked Jim.

'I'm Pastor Jim Murphy, I'm Dean's uncle'

'He can stay, now doctor tell me how's my son'

'John, we were able to remove the cancel cells from your son's liver, without demanding the organ.'

'I can hear but in there'

'During the surgery one of Dean vessels raptured and he suffered a great blood loss, we had to administrated several blood transfusions, and I'm sorry to say that but your son's heart stopped on the table'

'What?! What are you saying doctor, my boy he's…he's not…?'

'He's alive' John almost fainted from the relive. 'But John, it complicated Dean's situation greatly. This surgery put a lot of strain on his already weakened body, we can't start him on a chemo until he recovers from the surgery and we don't know at that moment how long it is going to take.'

'So what's happening now?'

'At this point, we can only wait. If Dean recovers well we can start on chemo possibly in 2 weeks, but John the cancer is already very advance the longer we wait the worse are Dean chances. I want you to be prepared for the worst. Not to mention we still don't know if there's no brain damage'

'Brain damage?'

'When our heart stops, the amount of air it supposed to deliver to the brain is restricted. This results in dead of brain cells. We have to wait for Dean to wake up to know how much if any damage was done.'

'So basically what you're saying is that my son may not wake up, if he does he will probably be handicapped and even if by some miracle he does wake up ok it can be too late to treat the cancer?'

'Worst case scenario, yes'

'Fuck, fuck' John hit the wall next to Doctor King's head, but after this short outburst all the energy left him and he slid to his knees.

'John, stop it. You can't give up on him, he will fight it, its Dean!'

'Doc, can I see him? I need to see my son.'

'Fallow me John, his in ICU, we'll keep him there until he improves.'

oOoOoOo

John didn't know what to expect. It definitely wasn't this pale lifeless body, covered with millions tubes and cables. Dean looked so small and fragile. He steps closer to the bed and strokes his son's hair.

'John? Maybe you should call Sam, he would want to be here'

'I called him Jim, and he hung up on me, he does not want to be here and I know I forced this kid to do what he didn't want his whole life, but I'm done.'

'John don't do this to your boys, don't take it away from them. It will destroy Sam, if Dean dies without him being next to his brother side.'

'Stop it! Dean's not dying! And I'm not calling Sam' Jim knew there's no point in convincing his friend to change his mind. John could teach classes in stubbornness.

'I will leave you to alone for a while. I'm going to find a chapel'

John sat heavily in a chair next to Dean bed. He decided to fallow his old friends path, praying to God more eagerly than in his whole life.

oOoOoOo

His world is dark, he tries to blink his eyes but they're too heavy. Is he dead? He never imagined what it's like to die. It's too scary to think about when you're a hunter and you know there's hell but have no evidence of heaven. He blinks again and this time there's a dime light somewhere behind his eyelids. So maybe his not dead yet, and he's supposed to fallow the light at the end of a tunnel? So the stories are real after all. He blinks rapidly this time, and God this whole light thing is a bitch, hurting his eyes like motherfu…wait. What's this smell? So not dead after all, just in hospital, he would recognize the antiseptic smell of hospital everywhere, he hates it.

'Dean, son? Can you open your eyes?'

'Mhm…'

'That's it, don't keep your old man waiting any longer'

'D'd?' Dean's vision is blurry but it's definitely his father. And he looks horrible, long beard, dark circles undder his eyes. It must be bad.

'You look…like …shit' He rasps out.

'Well thank you son, always nice to hear a compliment from you' But John beaming at him, no real hurt in his voice. He waited almost two days for Dean to wake up. And finally the day have come.

'John can you step outside, I'm going to examine Dean now, check his brain functions'

'Yeah sure, Dean I'm not going far, will be with you in few minutes'

John paced the corridor outside Dean room, for the first time in few days he felt a little bit of hope. Dean woke up and was coherent, it must be a good sign. Doctor King voice snatched him out of his thoughts.

'John, I have some good news. It appears there's no brain damage and Dean seems to recover pretty fast considering the cancer and the strain of surgery. I think will be able to start the chemo sooner than we thought'

'Finally some good news, thank you Doctor, can I come back to Dean'

'Yes of course, he's already asleep again, but let him be. His body needs all the rest it can get.'

John saw Jim coming with a new coffee supply.

'John what's wrong, why aren't you in Dean's room'

'He woke up Jim, and the doctor says he's doing well'

"That's wonderful, see John I told you your son is a fighter'

'Yes you did old friend.' The smile was gone from his face though 'But that's only the beginning of the fight'

TBC

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_Thank you all for reading and for your reviews. Xxx I will try and update once more before 2015. If I don't Happy New Year everyone._


	5. Chapter 5

**_Chapter 5! Enjoy!_**

**oOoOoO**

Over the next couple of days Dean was visibly improving, although it wasn't as easy as always for the young Winchester, usually after a few days in the hospital they would spring him out as soon as he was able to pee by himself, now he didn't have energy for much, let alone walking. John was worried, doctor King told him that with the progress Dean is doing it would be recommended for them to wait next three weeks before starting the chemo, but that in Dean's situation they can only wait a week. John couldn't imagine the strain his son's body is going to be put through, with chemotherapy and radiation.

Dean remembers his promise to John, he told his Dad he was going to fight despite the earlier decision to just give up. But now, he was disappointed with himself. How is he supposed to fight if only thing he can do is turn from one side to the other and switch the channels of his TV. The doctors and nurses were all gentle and nice treating him like scared child. And it was pissing him off, how dare they categorize him, the great fearless Dean Winchester. No, he needs to show them and himself that he is still the same man he was before. The question was how? He was as weak as a new born kitten, but hell if this going to stop him. He knew what the next thing going to talk to his doctor about is going to be.

'Hello Dean, how are you feeling today?'

'Peachy'

'Well is important to keep up a positive attitude' he had some time to get to know his patient, and knew Dean Winchester was a tough one to please.

'Actually I have a question for you doc?'

'What can I do for you Dean?'

'I want to go home.' At his words both John and Jim jump up from the sofa that was in the corner of Dean's room. They still didn't know what Dean did to deserve such a kick ass room to begin with but they weren't complaining, especially when it came to spending night in the hospital.

'What?! Dean are you crazy, you're not going anywhere'

'Dean it's not very wise, you're still recovering'

'Gentlemen, if I may say something' he waited for them all to settle, before answering Dean's question 'Well Dean, I wouldn't normally recommend for you to leave the hospital, your body is still healing after the surgery, but knowing that you're going to be stuck in hospital for a long period of time after the chemo I think I can agree for a day maybe two out of here.'

Dean was grinning now, maybe he hoped for more than two days, but it's still better than nothing.

'Hell yeah, when can I leave?'

'I will examine you now and then arrange everything, if everything is ok, I think we can let you go around midday' But John was not pleased to hear that, has the doctor not seen his son, he already looked like dead warm over.

'Dr. King, I don't think is a good idea, you of all people should know Dean's too weak to leave the hospital, and now I think he's also delusional' Dean groaned and John shot him an annoyed look.

'Mr. Winchester, can I speak with you outside?'

'Yeah, sure doc' He fallowed the doctor outside, not really sure what to expect.

'John, I know that you're worried about your son, and I do agree with you that his health is not improved enough to leave the hospital and no one can blame you for that, and I don't want to sound pessimistic, but this may be Dean's last chance to be out of hospital for a long time, if not the last one.' John swallowed the bile rising in his throat.

'So, basically what you're saying is that you're granting my son's dying wish?'

'Well, I'm talking worst case scenario, but you shouldn't lose hope, what I'm trying to achieve is to get Deans spirit up, and I think couple of days out of this place is going to do him good, but John he needs to take it easy, ok'

'Of course, he won't try anything if I have a say'

**OoOoOoO**

Soon Dean was fully clothed and ready to go, although he wouldn't admit to anyone that for the first time in his life he was grateful for the wheelchair one of the nurses pushed him out in. It was humiliating.

All his negative thought evaporated as soon as he saw his baby gleaming in a sun. He stood up for the wheelchair and started slowly walking around the car with every intention to sit behind a wheel.

'No way Dean, passenger sit'

'But Dad' did he just whined like a six year old? He let out a heavy sigh and got into the car, breathing in the familiar scent of the Impala. Awkward silence fallowed them home. When they got there, Jim was already standing at the top of the stairs.

'Dean, how are you feeling?'

'I'm fine, jeez can you stop hovering, at least gimme a break while I'm not at the hospital'

'Sorry Dean, so…what do you want to do since you're a free man?'

'Yyy… I don't really know, I mean all I do is research the hunts, hunt, fix the Impala, but I figured I can't do much of that now' Dean said it in such a casual way, but it pierced John's heart, his son was 22, boys his age were having fun, partying at collages, going to cinemas, on dates. Dean's life was lacking any kind of fun, and it was like that since he was four years old.

'Maybe we can go see the movie? They have a pretty decent movie theatre here'

'You mean like going to the actual cinema? Not just renting a DVD?'

'Yeah sure, I don't see why not'

'No, it's not like I don't want to, because I really do' Dean lowered his eyes and mumbled 'It's just we've never been to an actual cinema.' And John wondered why his son was sounding ashamed if it was John who should feel like that, no wonder Sammy has left his worthless ass, he was a poor excuse off a father. Jim was also angry at himself, he babysat so many times for John over the years and it never occurred to him to treat the boys to something as simple as movies.

'It's settled then, do you want to go now Dean or do you want to rest for a bit?'

'If it's not a problem I will rest for just a bit' He walks into the house not noticing a worrying looks from both his father and Pastor Jim.

Dean wished his whole life looked like the next two days, John and Jim took him to the cinema and to Hooters, next day he was woke up with homemade waffles, and they made a trip to Oklahoma City. Dean took a lot of naps in between multiple attraction, but other than that felt pretty well. Unfortunately he was still expected back at the hospital in the evening of second day. When he was getting ready Jim decided to drop a bombshell on both Winchester, having been waiting for a long time to approach the delicate subject.

'John, Dean, can I speak with you?'

'What's up Pastor Jim?'

'First, I'm sorry to say but I will be leaving you next week, my duties are calling and I took a liberty of calling Bobby, and he will be here in a few days…'

'What the fuck Jim? No one asked you to talk to anyone and invite them over for what? Chemotherapy slumber party?'

"John, you know quite well that you and Dean need an extra support, I know both of you to well. Which is another subject I want to approach, I don't know which one of you, but someone has to call Sam'

'Jim!' Anger in John's voice was almost vibrating; he was on his feet and in Pastors face immediately.

'Don't you fucking say another word Jim, we already had this conversation, I'm not calling him again'

'Again? Dad you've called Sam, why didn't you say anything? And he didn't came?'

'Yes I called him, told me to stay away, didn't even let me finish a sentence, he doesn't know about the cancer' for a brief moment John's voice was gentle, but then he turned back to Jim 'So don't go mess around with Dean's head Jim, Sam is away he made his decision, end of story stay away from our business'

'John you should really reconsider'

'Jim, so help me God, one more word, read my lips – not calling him again'

'Stop being so blinded by your anger John and just for once think about your children' John grabbed the front of Jim's shirt and said with clenched teeth.

'I am thinking about my children, or rather the one child that I've got left, and this way of talking upsets him…'

'Dad, Jim…that's enough, stop it' Dean stood up and tried to break the older man apart

'Stay out of it Dean!'

'Dad…' all the blood drained from Dean's face and he collapsed the second time in two weeks before finishing his sentence.

**TBC**

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_I know I'm a horrible person. But here it is, it took me a little longer to update, I was busy with Christmas and New Year. Hope you all had a wonderful Holidays as well. I will try and update sooner, but no promises this time as I'm back at University again and it's taking a lot of my free time as you can imagine. Please review cause it's making me write faster, believe it or not. And tell me if you like the idea of Bobby coming and if you maybe want more hurt Dean? Love you all xxx_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6! Enjoy!**

_I need to make something clear, I don't hate Sam, I love him just as much as Dean and John, there's just a certain idea for this story in my head. I want to thank you all for your reviews, I try to satisfy you but I just wouldn't be able to bring myself to write Sam as a bad person. The only characters on Supernatural that I could do that too are probably Samuel Campbell and Metatron. And I repeat again…__**not a death fic**__! _

_oOoOoOo_

Fortunately Dean doctor's determined his collapsing as simply lack of rest and stress, which did nothing to calm John's nerves. He had no idea how much longer he can watch his son suffer and disappear right in front of his eyes before he gets a freaking coronary. Also despite fainting Dean's health did improved a lot during those days, which meant a better chance for him to go smoothly through his chemotherapy.

Dean however couldn't care less about his health right now, his mind was on overdrive because of what John said earlier. His Dad had called Sam, he couldn't believe it, it was out of John's character to act against his own decisions. And he did make a decision for Sam to never come back, yet he called him when Dean got sick. It made him feel better knowing that they maybe still had a chance to be a family again. If Sammy takes his head out of his butt that is. What also surprised him was that he wasn't mad at Sam or Dad. Sam wanted his own life and in order to do that he needed to cut the ties, Dean can understand that he knows his brother better than anyone. Sam needed time to get his head wrapped around everything. Anyway he never wanted to bother him in a first place so it's a win win situation for him.

oOoOoOo

Jim was still with them when the time came for the first chemotherapy treatment.

'So Dean' The doctor pointed to the bag a nurse just attached to his IV 'It's going to take about an hour to go through this bag, I will check on you in about four hours, and the nurse will come regularly. I don't expect the first symptoms immediately, but you already know what to expect. I will leave you now. And remember you're still recovering from surgery so when you experience any nausea or pain do not hesitate to ask for pain killers'

'Sure, I will be a good boy'

'Ok, see you all in a bit'

They spend next two hours sitting around, making small talks, watching TV and doing coffee runs, no one spoke the word about the elephant in the room. John was afraid Dean would snap at him for asking how he feels, Jim decided it's not his place to voice opinions and Dean, was simply to tired and so over the subject of his disease he was just grateful the older men left him alone.

They were pleasantly surprised when few hours after receiving his first chemo Dean was sleeping peacefully, seeming perfectly fine. John let himself relax and now was just sipping his coffee only spearing his son a few worried glances.

'So John, I'm leaving in two days…'

'Yeah, you've told me already, something else on your mind'

'I just wanted to apologias for calling Bobby behind your back, I know I've crossed the line, but you need to understand, I only did this because I care about your family, and I know you John, you and Dean, he will just deny when something's wrong and you will probably stay in hospital 24 hours a day. And first Bobby will help you with straighten Dean out, and second you will be able to go to the motel without worrying about Dean'

'Jim, even if I don't appreciate you going behind my back, I understand where you're coming from, and I'm glad I can count on my friends in situations like this.'

'Well I didn't expected that, getting wiser in your old age John'

'Oh shut up, tell you what, let's finish this beautiful Hallmark moment and grab some food while Dean's sleeping, it may be the last of our peace'

They spend only twenty minutes in an empty cafeteria, deciding to take a food to Dean's room. They caught a small flurry of activity on their way back and started to run when it appeared to be coming from Dean's room.

Dean was hunch over his bed railing, a bowl under his face, kept there by one of the nurses, and orderly behind his back, helping to keep him upright. Another nurse was applying some drugs to his IV.

'Dean!, Oh my god what happened?' John was at Dean's side in instant, cursing himself for leaving the room, he knew better damn it.

'I …ahhh woke up…mhpn…and just'

'Dean try not to talk, breath through your mouth, let it all out' one of the nurses started to coach Dean when another approach John.

'He wake up with a nausea and been vomiting pretty heavy, but that's to be expected. We've administrated anti-nausea medication as well as some pain medication. It wouldn't be as hard on him, but he has pretty fresh stitches on is abdomen and it's painful. Hopefully the medicine will work and he'll able to rest comfortably.'

When it seemed like Dean was done for now, John approach his bed, and run his fingers through his kid's hair, wondering if he will still have some in few months.

'How are you holding up buddy, sorry we weren't here, you were sleeping and we just went to grab some food.'

'That's ok Dad, at least I didn't puke on you' Dean's rasped out, his throat hurt and he was spent 'Just going to rest for a bit'

'Sure kiddo' John couldn't compel himself to remove his hand from Dean's head, so he stayed like that long after his son fallen asleep. Jim knew John loved his sons but was surprised by a sudden show of affection, he decided to head out to the motel trying to shake the thought of how weak Dean already looks, and that maybe they will have to say good bye to him soon.

oOoOoOo

Sioux Falls

Bobby Singer was not a happy camper when he head to get out from under a '65 Ford Mustang to pick up a ringing phone, he hit his head in a process and was just few feet away when it stopped ringing, he decided to wait for the person to call again. And his phone indeed rang again just few second later.

'Singer Selvedge Yard'

'Hello Robert, it's been a long time'

'Jim, how is it going?

'I'm well, thank you, I have a question for you'

'Well I ain't got all day, so ask'

'Are you busy?'

'Of course I'm busy, I have a dozen of cars that need to be check out, not to mention the hunting gig is pretty time consuming, what is wrong with you Jim'

'I need you to come to Oklahoma for some time, a month maybe longer, hopefully longer'

'Are you out of your mind Pastor, I ain't got time for vacation'

'Dean's sick' Bobby's heart skipped a bit.

'What?'

'Sam left for Stanford, I'm with John and Dean but I have to leave soon, he aaa he has cancer Bobby'

'Damn' Bobby couldn't believe, from all the people in this world Dean was the last to deserve what was happening to him, he loved John's boys like his own and couldn't imagine either of them being gone from this world.

'Yeah, it's pretty …let's just say it's not looking good, so will you come I don't want to leave them alone'

'Yes of course, and you say Sam left? Damn idjits probably ended with a big fight am I right?'

'Yeah, he doesn't even know yet, but don't call him, at least not yet'

'Yeah, yeah, John will be calling him soon if I have something to say about it, anyway I should be there in a week, need to close some things here, ask some people to keep an eye on everything'

'That's ok, I will wait for you to get here before I leave, see you when you get there'

Bobby sat heavily at the kitchen chair, and remember all the times he spend with little Winchesters, he could see Dean's expressive green eyes laughing when he played with Bobby's puppies, John has a two great boys and Bobby has no idea how's that possible that they grew up to be such compassioned and loving having John as a father. He run a hand through his beard and head outside, he got a lot to do before leaving.

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So kind of short, but I wanted to post something for you guys. As you can see Bobby is coming yay! I've decided to put Bobby's and Jim's conversation in, a little introduction to my portrayal of Bobby, Hope you've enjoyed it xxxx


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7! Enjoy!**_

Dean hated chemo, it made him feel like his body was completely resisting from taking orders from his brain. He wanted to go to the toilet, but his legs wouldn't work, he wanted to keep his food down, but his stomach had other ideas, he would want to keep the conversation with his dad, but his eyelids were closing. He asked doctor King if this is how it's going to look like but he assured him it stay's like this only for a few days after you receive a cocktail, as they call them. Of course he did it when John was out in a restroom. He couldn't admit his weakness in front of his father. Dean set out to suffer in silence, like he always done, his whole body hurts, inside and outside, he feels like someone took out his intestines and put them in a piñata. He couldn't remember feeling this shitty ever before, and he was a Winchester, he spent more hours being stitched up than behind the wheel.

And if he thought the first day when the nausea was running constantly through his body was bad, he couldn't even describe what came next. He was too weak to go to the bathroom on his own so to his disgrace he had to have a catheter, he got very alarm when John suddenly utter the weirdest screechy noise and made his way to his bed grabbing for his urine bag, he got even more alarmed when it appeared red. His Dad pushed the call button even before he could say anything. Turned out it's from the drug Andreomyacin which is the first drug in the treatment. But from this point it all went downhill, Dean's whole face swelled and got red, he couldn't think straight, he could see his fathers worried face, when he would stop in the middle of the sentence because his mind wasn't working. He honestly doubts he can do this more than once, but he will have to and this thought made his heart bit harder in his chest.

John wasn't prepared for that, for his son to look like a completely different person, and to be so out of it he probably didn't remember his own name. No parent should see the suffering of their child, he asked the doctor every chance he got when it will be over, getting the same answer every time.

'John it takes about a week to ride out the most immediate symptoms of the treatment, I know it looks very bad, and I'm not going to lie Dean's reaction is pretty bad, but it will only last for maybe three to four more days'

'Until the next round.'

'Yes, I'm sorry John if there was any other way to treat your son believe me we would use it'

'Yeah I know, I just hate to see him that way, that's all'

OoOoOoO

Bobby met Jim in front of the hospital.

'Hello Robert, how was your journey?'

'Long, how are you Jim, are you already heading home?'

'Yes I'm all packed, I will take you to Dean's room, say my good bye and be on my way'

'How is he by the way?' Bobby didn't like the look on Jim's face when he heard his question

'He's not very good to put it lightly, the chemo hit him hard, right now he's mostly out of it and John is almost as bad as him, he didn't left his site for over two days'

'Poor kid, ok let's do this, I hope John knows I'm coming'

'Of course I told him, I want us alive for few more years'

John heard them before he saw them, he had mixed feelings about Bobby's arrival, they were good friends but had totally different approach to life, but he knew Bobby cared for his boys and now with Jim leaving he was really glad to have someone by his side, even if he wished with all his heart it was his wife and not a gruff old hunter.

'John'

'Bobby' they shook hands, and stood there awkwardly for few seconds when Bobby finally broke the silence looking at Dean's bad, who's eyes appeared to be open

'Dean, it's good to see you boy' God, he looked awful, how is this the same boy he played baseball with all those years ago?

'Bobby? How are … mhm … I …'

'It's ok son settle down, go back to sleep, you will have a lot of time to speak with Bobby later' Bobby swallowed hard, and took a step back, feeling out of his element, waiting for John to calm Dean a little bit, actually impressed by older Winchester.

'Doctor says it's normal for patients to be confused, he says they find it hard to form coherent thoughts but it's only temporary, he should be back to being himself in no time' John felt the need to explain, to let the others know that his son is still there and will come back to him, not really sure he's convincing them or himself.

OoOoOo

Jim left, and John was really annoyed because Bobby was indeed better in making him do what he didn't want. He actually slept in a bed few hours a day and ate pretty regularly. All the time wearing a pissed of expression.

Fortunately few days later Dean felt a lot better and distracted both man from snapping at each other, now they were too busy trying to mother hen him, whenever he made a noise they were both in his face asking how he feels, or does he need a nurse or some more drugs. Ten days after receiving his first chemo treatment Dean finally felt more or less like himself, but also had a new companion, a feeling at the pit of his stomach, a dread that wouldn't leave because he knew, he's going to have to do it again, it was official chemo sucks.

They made a bunch of tests again and were happy his liver and other organs seemed untouched by cancer for now, counting it as a good sign, however the disease was still running through his body.

They let him out of the hospital for a week, that he spend lying in bad, but it wasn't a hospital bed so he was better than okay with that. He allowed himself as much food as he could eat, now that his stomach wasn't revolting against him, he already lost so much weight, it's going to take a lot time to get it back. He went outside few times under a watchful eye of Dad or Bobby, he would sat in the Impala or on the hood, soaking in the comforting feeling of leather and smell of gun oil and whiskey. He wanted to stay there forever, not wanting to go back, but there was a bit of hope in him again, and it gave him strength to fight this cancer SOB.

But the second round wasn't any easier than the first and after first few days he wasn't sure, he was even still alive and not in hell.

John couldn't look at Dean, every time his son was losing a battle against another round of retching he would hug him close and run a hand on his back, but his eyes were distant, Dean was fighting so hard, yet he didn't expected the opponent to be so strong.

On a fifth day of the second round, John heard Bobby talking to someone at the corridor, thinking it was Dean's doctor he left his sleeping son to get an update, however he wasn't ready for what he heard.

'Sam, are you still there? Are you coming?'

'What do you think you're doing Singer?'

**TBC**

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_Tam Tam Tam! Sam is lurking in the darkness, bam! So hope you've enjoyed this little chapter. I'm hoping to have another one tomorrow, but you shouldn't trust me. Next chapter will have a little bit more of Dean interacting with Bobby and of course Sam. Kisses xxx_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8! Enjoy!**

Sam was happy, for the first time in his life he was doing what he wanted and not what his Dad or Dean told him. He could decide for himself and no matter how much he missed Dean and even Dad he wasn't going to lose this chance. Sam always wanted normal, since he was a six year old kid in a kindergarten that realized other kid's dads were actually staying home, and most of the kids never moved out of a town. His whole life Sam was listening to other kids complaining about their moms and dads for telling them to clean their rooms or not buying them a toy. He rarely admitted to his school 'friends' that he didn't have a mom and definitely not that his dad was making him practice his shooting instead of taking him to the movies. And he hated this life full of lies. So yeah, Sam's relived he escaped. So when his Dad calls him his anger rises, it's almost like a mere thought of Dad awakens some part of his brain responsible for anger. So he makes it clear that John shouldn't contact him anymore and goes back to his normal life.

But it comes back to him now and then, his father's voice, the way he called him Sammy in a very weird soft, almost scared voice. And he can't help but think about Dean, he's misses his brother the most, they practically spend 18 years living in each other pockets, it was hard leaving him, like cutting a weird umbilical cord. So maybe Dad called because of Dean? What if…no surely if something horrible happened his Dad would try harder to contact him. Right?

But the weeks went past and he couldn't shake this feeling, he would sit in his classes, mind wandering to the times Dean would buy him a chocolate bar but nothing for himself, or when he gave him an awkward talk about birds and bees.

So after seven weeks of walking around this subject he decided to make a call. He wanted to call Pastor Jim, but he could be with Dad and he wanted to avoid John for all its worth, Bobby was a safest choice.

'Hello?'

'Bobby man, it's good to hear your voice, how is it going?'

'Sam? Is that you boy?'

'Yeah, yeah it's me, how are you'

'I'm quite well, what can I do for ya?'

'Well, umm did you hear from Dad or Dean lately? Dad called me over a month ago but I hung up on him, but you know I keep wondering what he wanted, do you know if they alright?'

'Sam, are you sitting down?'

'Bobby, what's going on? Tell me!'

'Ok there's no easy way to say it so here it goes…Dean has cancer, he already had a surgery and is on his second round of chemo'

'What? …What?' Sam must be dreaming, he's having another nightmare for sure, it's not true he's brother, his big brother the most important person in his life has cancer, no no no it's impossible.

'Sam? Are you still there? Are you coming?'

Sam snapped out of his thoughts and was ready to answer when he heard his Dad in a distance yelling at Bobby, typical.

'Bobby? Are you there?

'Shut up John, it's time he knows, I'm here Sam, we're in Elk City Oklahoma, come when you came, now I need to go, your Dad is about to punch me.'

With that the line went death. Sam stared in space for a long time, not moving, not thinking.

Then suddenly he was on a move franticly throwing clothes into his bag. He had no idea how his going to get to Oklahoma, when and how his going to explain his absence from school, but he knew one thing, he had to get to Dean.

OoOoOoO

John was furious, than just angry, than furious again. He almost punched Bobby, right there at the hospital, blood pumping in his ears, he heard Bobby saying 'Sam called me, had to tell him, Dean's his brother' but he had to leave this place, couldn't even think straight. So for the first time in over a month he went to a bar and got shitfaced.

Bobby decided to give John some time, he knew how pigheaded the Winchesters tended to be, so for now on he will let it go, and let John wrap his head around it by himself. Dean was feeling a little better now so Bobby settled on keeping him a company.

'Hi Dean, how are you?'

'Hi Bobby, not going to lie, I've been better, but it's easing a little now'

'That's good to hear, you're doing good'

'Yeah, you could say that, where's Dad?'

'He had to leave, get his head clear'

'Why what happened? What did you do Bobby?'

'Hey mind the tone boy, I ain't your buddy'

'Cat the crap Bobby, I know you to well'

'Ehh, I knew I should let you watch more TV instead of keeping you entertained by myself'

'You loved it old man'

'Yeah… ok I got a call and it upset your father'

'Bobby, I'm not five, who called you?'

'Sam'

'What? But… have he been calling you a lot, what did he want?'

'Asked about you, sad something about yer daddy calling him some time ago and wanted to check with me that everything's fine'

'Bobby, you didn't told him did you?' but when Dean saw the look on Bobby's face he knew ' Damn it Bobby! Who asked you to… tell him, he was… supposed to study in peace….not worry about my …sorry ass' Dean was getting agitated, he spoke in short strides.

'Dean calm down, deep breaths, I'm sorry ok, I really am but I couldn't lie to him as I would not lie to you, his yer brother, he deserves to know'

'He's not supposed to …see me like …this'

'I know yer brother thinks you're invincible, and I know the size of your ego, but sometimes you just need to let it go'

'Easy for you to say' Dean's eyes were already closing, clearly tired, Bobby felt like apologizing, especially when he heard Dean's last words before he succumbed back to sleep.

'They will just fight all the time'

OoOoOoO

John woke up the next day with a mother of all headaches. As soon as he was awake he felt anger rising, Bobby had no right to call Sam. If someone had a right to do it, it was John. _'But you wouldn't do that would you? You would rather let Dean die without Sam knowing'_

'Damn it' he punched his bed few times before heading to the bathroom. When he was clean and full of caffeine he made his way to the hospital.

He stepped in to Dean's room happy to see him sitting up and sipping on a light soup, for now he's just going to ignore Bobby

'Hi son, how are you feeling?'

'Probably better than you, hang over?' Dean asked with a grin, he knew his father well.

'What did I do to deserve such a smart ass for a son?'

'Must be something good, I'm awesome'

'Yeah, yeah you keep telling yourself that'

'I don't have too, there are a lot of ladies that do that for me' John groaned really not wanting to imagine his son having sex.

'Ok I had enough, so I see you're feeling better'

'Yeah, Doctor King said they're going to run some tests tomorrow and maybe will let me out of here for few days, but that I would have to come back for the first radiation treatment next week'

'That's great son, glad to hear it'

'John, can I speak to you?'

'Bobby, you already said enough, and believe me don't want to start something now'

'No I don't but Sam is coming, probably soon, you can't just ignore it'

'He will come, he will leave end of story'

'What if he stays?'

'He won't, he has school and full ride, it means to much to him to just let it go to waste' Both Bobby and Dean were surprised John actually knew this about Sam.

'Uhm, ok we'll talk about it later, I'm going to get some coffee do you want some John?'

'Yes, thanks' both man nodded to each other for now burying their conflict.

OoOoOoO

Sam couldn't catch a flight until the next day so he decided to go back to the Campus and talk to his Dean about suspending his study for a while. They were very understanding and with the grades he has, they had no problem in letting him go for some time. He spent a restless night in his apartment and was ready to go five hours before his flight. He didn't know what to expect. Is Dean going to be bald? Or even well enough to speak with him, God what if he won't speak with him? Or if he's too late and his brother is already dead? No Bobby would call, surely. He wouldn't mind not speaking with dad though, John is going to rip him a new one.

Finally after over three hours on the plane and next two in a bus to Elk City he was standing in front of the hospital. He took a deep breath and made his way to the reception desk.

'Hello, I'm looking for my brother, he's uuu he has cancer'

'What's his name?'

'Dean yyy Winchester'

'Ahh, yes Dean is here, second floor room 155'

'Thank you' Sam was relieved that they used their real surname, but it did make him wonder how they are going to pay for all the medical expenses.

OoOoOoO

Sam braced himself from what was to come, he took a deep breath and stepped into his brother room. He didn't expect both his brother and father to be sleeping, also there was no sign of Bobby.

Not really knowing what to do, he walked closer to Dean's bed. He's brother looked awful, but not as bad as Sam imagined he would look. It was a big relive for a younger Winchester, his heart now slowing down a bit, maybe Dean's not that sick.

'Sam? When did you got here' Sam tensed and turn to face his father, trying to stay calm for Dean's sake but anger was already boiling in him, and he had no idea why, John just asked him a question, you're not a teenager anymore Sam, take a grip, he scolded himself.

'Hi Dad, just few minutes ago'

'Listen Sam, I know I should've called you again but when you hung up on me I…'

"You've decided I don't deserve to know my brother is dying?'

'He's not dying! And it's not my fault you left him alone'

'I didn't I just went to college!'

'Here we go again' A soft but angry voice joins their argument.

'Dean! It's good to see you'

"Hey ya Sammy'

TBC

SPN*********************************************************SPA

_Another quick update, but don't count on any more the weekend it over! So as always tell me what you think. And let's celebrate SEASON 11! Yay!_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Chapter 9! Enjoy!**_

Silence fallowed them for the next week, Sam spoke with Dean and with Bobby, John spoke with them as well, but when they were both left in the same room, they were too afraid to argue again, still ashamed that the first time Sam got here, they woken Dean up with a fight.

In this time Dean was let out of the hospital and went through his first radiation treatment.

When he was going through chemo, he was hungry no matter the nausea, now he lost the interest in food, which resulted in him losing even more weight. He was getting weaker by a day. He tried to pretend that everything's alright, for Sam's sake, but it was getting harder each day.

When Dean was getting ready for his third chemo treatment John decided it would be more efficient to rent a small house, instead of being cope up in a motel, especially when Dean was not in the hospital it was getting very crowded. He found a perfect house, not far from the hospital with two bedrooms and a living room. Boys will share a room, and he and Bobby will probably toss a coin to see who's sleeping on a couch.

At first he thought Bobby will leave after Sam got there, but he didn't and John was grateful, if he was to stay alone with his sons, he would probably turn gray in one day. Sam didn't say much but John new somehow he blamed him for Dean getting cancer. He was always the guilty one in eyes of his youngest, and at this point he was to tired and wary to even consider changing Sam's mind about it.

After some time, they got a little bit more relax, both John and Sam tried really hard to keep from fighting at least in font of Dean, when they were both in the house knowing Bobby is with Dean, well that was a different story.

They call it silence before storm, and that's exactly what happened.

Shit hit the fan when Dean was receiving his third round of chemo, they were all sitting around his bed trying to distract him, trying to make him forget that in few hours he will be doubled over in pain, puking his guts out. John was telling the story of how just few months back they were almost taken out by a werewolf, making a light of it. When all Sam could hear was Dean getting hurt and John not caring.

'You were suppose too protect him, not letting him get hurt' he muttered before he could stop himself.

'That's our job and Dean knows how dangerous it is, and I'm not forcing him to do anything'

'Yeah right, you've brainwashed him since he was five years old, of course he will fallow you blindly'

'He is right here, and is not deaf'

'Dean you know I'm right, he's suppose too be your father not you sergeant'

'I am his father, and I'm also your father, which means you should show me some respect'

'Respect oh, that's rich…'

'Sam, John, let's not have this argument now, it's stressing Dean out and don't forget we're in the hospital' but it was like talking to the wall. It was too late now, they were both on a roll.

'Sam, all I did in my life was to protect you'

'The only protection we needed was from you, you're obsessed. Do you think mum would want us to live this life?'

'You're mother died, and you turned away from our search for a demon that killed her, you have no right to talk about her'

'She was my mother I have every right, and maybe I didn't known her but I know she would be ashamed in you' John grabbed the front of Sam shirt, almost slamming him into a wall

'Don't you dare, don't you dare' his voice cracked, he opened his mouth to continue, but then Dean lunched from his bed, Bobby who stood closer to the middle Winchester quickly grabbed for a bowl. At the exact same moment a security gourd appeared in a doorway. What he saw was two men looking like they're in the middle of fight and a patient vomiting into a ball.

Ten minutes later, John and Sam stood outside the hospital, with a warning from hospital security; they were restricted from coming back for the next forty eight hours. Still angry they look at each other and then went their separate ways.

OoOoOoO

'Dean, you ok?'

'I'm fine… I just don't get it'

'Get what kid?'

'Why they do that, you would think they smart and would already figure out that they repeat the exact same argument over and over again. I mean what's the point it's obvious their both to stubborn to change their minds. It's just stupid.'

'Well, what can I say, you must be the actual brains of this family.'

'Sure I am, brains and beauty'

They smile at each other; Bobby's heart aching for the young man. Dean was just grateful that he wasn't alone.

OoOoOoOo

John was sitting on a couch, pretending to watch TV when in reality he was bracing himself from a conversation he was about to have with his youngest. Their fighting had to stop, for Dean's sake but also for the sake of John's sanity. He had no idea how much longer he can take the constant blame trips from Sam, he tried he really did, he wasn't a perfect father, but did he really deserves that much hate? He never hurt them, maybe he was a little strict but he's not a particularly emotional person so what could they expect. He stiffened when Sam entered the living room.

'Sam?'

'What?' What did his Dad wanted now? Yell at him some more, maybe actually hit him this time?

'Can we talk?'

'Ok, let's talk'

'Sam, I know I'm not always perfect, ok pretty much far from perfect, but Sam, son you and your brother are the most important things in my life, I would do anything for you, and maybe you're right that the way I bought you up, was questionable but after you're mother died hunting gave me purpose, I had something to take my focus from the pain her death caused me, I know I should probably channel it into taking care of you, and I tried but, it was so much easier to let anger and revenge control me and when you were older it was just easier for me, I was selfish to put you through it but no one is perfect. I hope one day you will at least try to forgive me. But for now believe me that I only have Dean's wellbeing on mind. I love you boys, you're all that counts to me'

Sam was stunned, he never imagined he would hear those words coming out of Johns mouth. It was the first time in years his father actually acted human, he acted like a …father. Sam knew he loved them, even when he was arguing with John he still knew, but to actually hear him saying it out loud and admitting his fails and weaknesses, that was something Sam never expected.

'Dad, I'm …wow I don't know what to say, I mean, I know you love us, I love you too, even if I'm mad, and I know I've started a lot of our fights, I'm not perfect either, I just wish we had a different life, it's too late for it now, and I kind of get it. That was the way you were grieving for Mom, and it went out of a hand and later you were too deep to dig yourself out. But can you at least try now and let me go back to collage without kicking me out in a process?'

'I just want you to be safe Sammy, but I think I can try, just promise me we'll not fight, at least not until Dean is healthy again'

'Deal' Sam extended his hand but this time John pulled him into a long overdue hug. After few minutes they pulled out both secretly wiping their eyes.

'Ok, I think it's time we go back to your brother, we're officially allowed to go in in twenty minutes'

OoOoOo

It was the third day of chemo treatment, and first time Sam saw Dean during that period of time. And it scared him like nothing before in his life. This person in a bed was not Dean. It was just a shell of a human he was before. Thin, so sickly thin, but with swollen red face, clammy skin, but it wasn't the worst. It was the way Dean's eyes, full of pain where just aimlessly scanning the room, the noises he made, and the words he couldn't voice. He's brother looked like someone just took his brain out and scramble it out. It was terrifying. So not five minutes after they finally got to see Dean, Sam was out of the room, breathing harshly, he made his way out, legs unconsciously taking him to a chapel. So he stayed there and prayed.

OoOoOoO

Sam came back to his brother of course, and now few days later they were alone in the room, just chatting about girls at Sam's school, mainly the long legged blond Sam kept seeing at the campus every now and then, when Dean run his hand through his hair and was left with a handful of it still in his grip. He knew it will happen, but it didn't make it any easier.

'So I guess it's time to shave, you think chicks will still dig me with a bold head Sammy, I'm sure they will' Sam was amazed at how easily his brother can hide his feelings and crack jokes.

The same day Dean shaved his head they took him for tests. Dean was already planning what they will do when he breaks free for few days, when Doctor King entered the room with the results.

'Dean, I'm sorry to say it but you need to stay in the hospital'

'What, why?'

'Your white blood cells drooped to law, you're in a high risk of an infection right now so it's recommended you stay in a sterilize environment'

'That sucks, not even one day?'

'I'm afraid not, to be honest from what I can see you've already developed a slight fever today, so I will ask Georgia to administrate some light antibiotics.'

'John, Bobby, Sam you need to make sure whenever you leave and come to visit again that you're not sick or feeling poorly, it's important for Dean to avoid any kind of germs'

'Sure doc, thanks'

'How are you feeling son? Do you feel like you have a fever?'

'Not really, I'm fine it's probably nothing. Hey the damn doctor never said anything about the cancer, Dad go after him ask if this damn chemo is actually working'

'I'm on it, and you behave and don't complain when Georgia comes in'

'Doctor King wait up'

'John what can I do for you?'

'You've never actually said anything about the test results other than Dean's fever and immune system is chemo working?'

'John, I'm sorry but there's no progress, but he's also not getting worse so let's not lose hope. He's body probably needs more time, also we need to start thinking about bone marrow transplant, it would be the best for you and Sam to get tested, and family donor is always the best shot.'

John was really hoping for better news.

TBC

SPN******************************************SPN

_Really struggled with this chapter and I don't know if I like it. Let me know what you think. So the next chapter will probably be up on the weekend. A lot more hurt Dean. Lots of love xx and again thanks for your support xx_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Chapter 10! Enjoy!**_

Dean was sick, his sweet baby boy was sick, he knew that for a few months now, but when he walked into Dean's room and saw him lying there, bald head, a number of IV's and other medical aperture's struck to him with pale face and hospital gown hanging of his thin frame the reality and monstrosity of it hit him hard. He felt tears welling up in his eyes. And he knew it's going to get worse too. It was a week after the third round and Dean didn't got better as quickly as the two last times. His face pale but with dark circles underneath his eyes, he slept for over sixteen hours a day, his fever which apparently was due to an infection was rising steadily, and he stared to have difficulty breathing, so now he also had a cannula running under his nose. He wasn't a hunter now, just a very sick person.

Both he and Sam got tested to be bone marrow donors, and of course to John's annoyance he wouldn't be the one able to help Dean. Sam on the other hand was ecstatic after he got the results, he marched into Dean's room with a big grin on his face, acting like he was six again.

'Who filled Sammy's mouth with a banana? What the hell are you grinning at dude?'

'Guess what Dean?'

'What? Just tell me, I'm not in a mood for games'

'Ok, I've got the results of my bone marrow and we're a perfect match'

'Ha, I always thought Mum and Dad found you in a cabbage patch'

'Ha ha very funny, you know what that means? You don't have to wait for a donor from transplant list I'm going to donate.'

'Yeah I guess'

'Dean? That's good news you know'

'I know but what are they going to do to you? Is it like a surgery? What if something goes wrong?

'They do it all the time man, no need to worry'

'Yeah ok'

'Dean what's wrong'

'Nothing… nothing' He started to close his eyes despite the fact that this one time he wasn't actually tired.

'Come on dude, just tell me'

'Just leave it Sammy, I don't want to talk about it'

'I'm going to call Dad in here if you won't tell me'

'I… what if I don't live long enough to get the transplant?' That question resulted in Sam jumping out of his seat, hands thrown to the sides and face red in anger.

'Don't say that, don't you dare say that. You're not going to… no way. Me and Dad we'll do everything to make you better and you Dean, you're the strongest person I know, you will kick this cancers butt just, you can't think like that you can't say stuff like that, Dean I can't lose you, do you understand, you're my brother!' Sam was full on crying after his outburst, puppy dogs us on a full display, waiting for Dean's answer. Waiting for his big brother to reassure him that everything's going to be fine, like he did over and over again through all those years.

Dean waved his hand for Sam to sit next to him again, when Sam did he looked into his brother eyes.

'Sam, I'm not going anywhere ok, I'm fighting bro, believe me, but it's harder than I thought. Don't cry Sammy it's going to be ok.' They sat like that for a long time, Sam's head resting near Dean's arm, Dean's hand in his brother's hair until both of them fell asleep. John walked into the room after leaving Bobby in the house. He was taken aback when he step in, something definitely went on while he was gone, it looked like Sam was crying, but why. Was the Doctor in? Did he tell them something is wrong? He almost woken them up but then thought better of it, none of his kids got enough sleep those days.

OoOoOoO

Dean really tried, he promised them all he will fight this cancer, question was how? How do you actually fight something like that, not with a gun or a knife, you can only lie in a bad and count on a toxin they're pumping into you, count that it will decide to kill the bad cells first, and leave some good ones for after. And right now? He was failing miserably, his infection let out a little bit, but he stayed in a hospital. According to his doctor first they have to fight any possible infections in his body than pump him with a hell off a lot more chemo, before they can even start to think about marrow transplant. He tried to convince Sam to go back to college, tried to reason with him that it will take a long time before he gets better and is going to need Sam's marrow. But his stubborn younger brother wouldn't listen to him.

He went through countless rounds of chemo and radiotherapy in the next few months, Sam and John staying with him all the time Bobby eventually had to go back to Sioux Falls, take care of everything home, but he kept visiting as well as Pastor Jim. Many times he tried to convince his Dad and brother to leave him alone so they could carry on hunting and studying but they always denied and deep down Dean was so hugely grateful he could just barley hide it.

Treatment kept destroying his body, he did had better days of course. After his seventh round he was out of hospital for over a week. They spent it like a real family, for the first time since probably before Mary died. They watched movies and played games, both Dean and John made fun of Sam when it became apparent he sucked at charades. But it was over and he was back to a never ending story of his hospital stay.

OoOoOoO

They were sitting around Dean's bed watching him sleep for what felt like a thousand time, when Doctor King came in with a weird look on his face.

'What's wrong? Do you have his results?'

'I do, maybe we should wake him up, he will want to hear this'

Sam approached Dean and shook him gently, his brother was so fragile right now.

'Dean, hey bro wake up'

'Sam? Leave me alone'

'Dean the Doctors here, want to tell us something'

'Ok, I'm up'

'So, Dean I have good news, your treatment is working very well now, and from what we can tell from the latest results, we can start preparing you for a transplant'

'Really? Did you hear that Dean, o my God that's awesome!'

'Thank God, finally good news'

'What does it mean?'

'It means that now you're going to be taken into isolation for about three weeks, and after the time spent there we'll be ready for Sam to donate and hopefully it takes and you start getting better.'

'You've mention the isolation before but how does it look like exactly?'

'You will be in a sterile room, you won't be able to leave and everybody who wants to come in has to go through sterilization process. There will be a TV, and you can take any staff you want it just needs to be sterilized as well.'

'Well, you gotta do what you gotta do, when do you want to start?'

'Now…'

'Wait, hold on, now?'

'I guess we can wait till tomorrow, give you some time to get use to the thought, think what you want to bring and get it ready.'

With that he left all three Winchesters to wonder how it's going to be with Dean locked up, and if it's going too led to recovery.

OoOoOoO

Dean was locked in for a week now, John and Sam visited him of course, but only for a restricted amount of time. And there was only one person allowed to visit at once. So he spends most of his days sleeping or changing TV channels. Also he had too much time to wonder and plan, not for a future but in case the worst scenario was to come true. So he wrote letters to both Sam and John, which he's going to send to Bobby, so they can get them when the time is right. He also decided to left them instructions on what to do after his gone, God only knows his family is behaving like children in fog when his not there to stir them into a right direction.

So he tells them what to do with his body, he's pretty sure John knows that he wants hunters funeral, but he's afraid his Dad may try to do something stupid, it's kind of an insurance, he's counting that John will at least respect his last request. Of course he also had to say something about the car, he knows it was Dads but he wants Sammy to have it, it seems right to hand it over to his younger brother, the only condition is that before his brother is allowed to take the car, he needs a full course with Dad and Bobby on how to take care about his Baby, Dean smiles at the thought of Sam's face when he's going to read this. If his lucky it will never has to happen but as Dean likes to think, better safe than sorry.

**TBC**

SPN*********************************************************************SPN

_I'm so sorry for a late update, I'm very busy at University, classes to attend, presentations to make and performances to be rehearsed, as I'm a Drama student. So please forgive me. As always I hope you've like it and please review. Lots of love xxx_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Chapter 11! Enjoy! **_

John was sitting by Sam's side, they just wheeled his youngest back to the room after the procedure that wasn't indeed long and took them only about an hour to draw his marrow. He was still sedated but according to the Doctor it will not last long. Now John was left to wait, for Sam to wake up and for the news about Dean's progress. And John Winchester is not a patient person, within ten minutes since Sam was wheeled in he was at nurses station asking about Dean, and when Sam is going to wake up. After his third round he could see the irritated look on the Nurse face.

'John, I will come and inform you as soon as I know anything about Dean, and Sam should be waking up anytime now'

'Why is it taking so long Maggie? They told us we can see him soon'

'I know but it has only been an hour, it usually takes a little more than that before the family is allowed in.'

'Yeah, yeah you keep saying that. I just want to see him, make sure he's alright'

'He's in good hands John, go back to Sam, you don't want him waking up alone'

'You're right, just please can you find out when we can see him?'

'Sure, and John try not to worry I'm sure Dean is just fine'

'Yeah sure, just dying from cancer' he mumbled and turned around to go back to Sam's room.

Sam is in pain, and he can't remember why his whole hip is on fire, he also feels groggy and a little nauseated. What the hell happened? The last thing he remembers was Dean and… oh shit Dean! He opens his eyes not really prepared for the bright light.

'Sam! Good to see you awake, how do you feel'

'Dad, how's Dean?'

'I don't know yet it's only been an hour and half. You didn't answer my question.'

'I'm fine Dad, a little sore, but fine. There should be some news already'

'I know, but we need to be patient'

'Funny you say that John' The nurse Maggie was standing in the doorway 'Good to see you awake Sam, your Dad was hunting our staff for last two hours.'

'Well, do you have any information about my brother?'

'You're a stubborn family, but yes I do have some news for you, Dean started to receive the marrow an hour ago, he's doing fine so far there's no signs of him rejecting the transplant, and before you ask, yes you will be able to see him in about an hour but only through a window to his room, we really need to protect him from any possible sickness'

'Good that's good, so if he didn't rejected the transplant yet could it still happened?'

'Yes, there's always a possibility, the next twenty hours are crucial, if the transplant is not reject after this time we can talk about a successful procedure. So it's wait and see for now, which I know is probably the worst thing to say to you, but you need to be realistic. For now try and also be positive help Dean by keeping up his good spirit.'

'Thanks Maggie, for everything'

'Don't mention it, I'm here to help if any of you needs anything, I will come and get you in half an hour to visit Dean, and yes I will bring a wheelchair along Sam.' She winked at them and left the room.

OoOoOoO

They wanted to get to Dean's room as quick as possible, John pushed Sam's wheelchair so fast he almost crashed into an old lady with a walker.

Dean was lying in his bed, like every other day, but this time his IV was hooked to a bag of weirdly looking red jello-like fluid. He was awake but it looked like he didn't really paid attention to the TV that was on. John lightly tapped at the window, and waved when Dean's gaze traveled their way. He pressed the intercom button.

'Hi son, how are you feeling?'

'Hi Dad, I'm fine, I feel literally no difference.'

'Give it some time, it will work.'

'Yeah yeah, hey how's Sammy?'

'You ask him, he's right here' Sam just then stood up from his wheelchair so his brother could see him.

'Hi Dean'

'Sammy, you're not suppose to be out of bad, what are you doing here, are you alright?'

'I'm fine dude, little achy but fine. How's my juice? Do you already feel smarter with it floating in you'

'Nah, maybe a litlle bit nerdy.' They all smiled at the little teasing session.

'Ok, you should try and catch some sleep Dean, I will take Sam to his room and come back to check on you ok'

'Yeah sure, make sure the geek boy is tucked in'

OoOoOoO

Fifteen hours after the transplant Sam was allowed to leave the hospital, he did but only to take a shower and grab a change of clothes. He was back at hospital just an hour later and on his way to Dean's room. Ready to see his brother, to confirm that he is still there, he wondered when this feeling will end, the feeling of constant worry and helplessness that he felt ever since finding out about his brothers disease.

His Dad was there as always, what still surprised yet pleased Sam, they both needed John right now and it was nice to have Dad being Dad for once. He was about to ask how Dean was when John turned around probably because he heard his footsteps. Sam didn't expect that look on Johns face, and he wished to never see it again.

'Dad, what's wrong? Dad?'

'The transplant, he uuhh…there are signs of rejection.' John's voice was breaking he felt utterly helpless, all this time he was hoping for a miracle, but now they got to the breaking point, now he felt it was truly over.

'No, that's impossible, how do you know? You're wrong! He was fine when I left!'

'He's got a fever, been vomiting and just few minutes ago had a seizure.'

'What does it mean? Did you spoke to the doctor? What now, what can we do now? What's the next step?'

'I don't know Sammy, I really don't know son. But I think that might be it' John sat heavily in the chair and hid his face in his hands, he didn't wanted to see Sam's face, the pain in his own heart was too much to handle.

Sam was ready to argue with his Dad to make him take those words back, when doctor King entered the room.

'Gentlemen, Dean is resting now fortunately the seizure didn't lasted long, now we administrated painkillers and a lot of different medications to help him, of course the immunosuppressant is still administrated as well. Sam, John I'm going to be honest, right now Dean situation is very serious. At this point there's nothing much we can do, normally we would wait few months and try a transplant again. Dean's cancer however is too advanced now and I'm afraid he doesn't have time to wait. I'm sorry but this is it, there's nothing more we can do'

'Nonononono, you have to do something! You can't just let him die, it's not fair, you have to save my brother!'

'Sam, Sammy calm down, come on son you need to stay strong for Dean.' John pulled Sam close to him, trying to calm his child, to stop his cries'. They stood huddle like that for a long time, both drowning comfort from each other, mourning. Doctor King didn't interrupt the family, in his carrier he experienced grief on daily basis. When it seemed the moment was over he suggested.

'You probably want to be with Dean right now, I think we can bend some rules and both of you will be allowed to enter his room. Still you need to be sterile. We ourselves will do everything to make him comfortable. Please remember I'm here if you have any questions.'

OoOoOoOo

Sam swallowed the bile when they walked into Dean's room, he couldn't look at his brother, couldn't make it real. He saw his father dragging a chair and sitting next to Dean, he heard him whisper something but wasn't even interested what it was.

John had to get to his son, had to see his baby boy, feel his heart beat. He thought losing his wife was hard, it was hunting him his whole life, it changed his life and he felt the pain her death caused every day. He doubted anything could ever compere to that. And it didn't, it was hundred times worse. He just simply cannot imagine losing his son. He's brave little solider was supposed to outlive him, carry his legacy. How can he let it happen? What will he and Sammy do without Dean? He raised his eyes to look at his youngest. Sam stood by the door, eyes on the floor.

'Sammy, are you ok?'

'Sam, come here son, don't let this time go to waste, be with your brother'

Sam took a hesitant step towards his Dad, eyes filling with tears again. They didn't left Dean's side for another two days.

**TBC**

SPN****************************************************************SPN

_Sorry for a long wait. So here it is. I think maybe one or two more chapters. I'll see how it goes. As always tell me what you think. Lots of love xx_


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12! Enjoy!**

Dean woke up twenty minutes ago, but couldn't master any strength to open his eyes, he felt awful. He needs to ask the doctors if that's how you should feel after the transplant. Finally he decided it's time to maybe call Dad and ask how Sam is doing. What he didn't expected was to see both his brother and father to sit next to his bed, both asleep in very uncomfortable positions. Why are they both here? He was only allowed one visitor at the time. Something clicked in Dean's mind. Facts that his family was here, and his body felt worse than before adding up and drawing a clear picture in his mind. That was it. He's going to die. Damn it, he never admitted that but he really thought it's not going to happen. He knew he was sick, very sick but not dying sick. As if they knew he woke up, both Sam and John started to stir.

'So I guess I'm kicking the bucket pretty soon?'

'Dean! Your awake, how are you feeling?'

'Just awesome'

'It's not a time to joke around Son.'

'Pretty sure it is Dad, I mean my time is kind of restricted'

'You don't know what you're talking about'

'Yeah I don't because you didn't answered my question. But I'm not stupid I can put two and two together.'

'I don't know what you talking about Dean, aren't you happy they let us see you?'

'You know exactly what I'm talking about, please Dad, I'm dying, can you show me at least some respect and be honest with me.' John lowered his eyes at Dean's words. How can he tell him it has nothing to do with respect? That he respects his son plenty, just can't really face the reality of him being on his death bed.

'Dean, you don't know that, the doctors know jack squad, Dad and me we'll call Bobby and Pastor Jim and will find a way to get you better, our kind of way.'

'You really believe Dad didn't try that already, come on Sam you know he did, yes Dad I know, cause I know you. You found nothing, didn't you?'

'I…yeah there's nothing. Damn it Dean …you can still fight this, you're strong.'

'I'm tired Dad, I really am, I know it's not your style but it's time to let me go'

This statement left his family speechless, moments later Sam with disbelieve still on his face stormed out of the room. John wiped tears from his face whispering.

'You can't leave us Dean, you can't leave me son' Next he had Dean in his arms, crashing him to his chest.

OoOoOoOo

Sam must have make some calls when he left the room few days ago because now both Jim and Bobby were sitting at Dean's side.

Dean tried to stay awake as much as he could. Wanted to spend as much time with his family, it's been almost a week since the transplant it was getting obvious it's not going to be long before they have to say goodbye to him. Sam walked into Dean's room and Dean asked Bobby and Jim to leave them alone.

'Sammy, I want to tell you something but promise you won't interrupt me. Ok so … First I Want you to go back to Stanford. I know Dad will try and guilt trip you into staying, but don't let him. I know you can fight back, but try and part with him on good terms, he's all you going to have left after I, anyway … The Impala I want you to take her. I know Dad will not be pleased but that's my death wish so he will have to deal with it. Sammy you were the best younger brother a guy could ask for. Now be good and remember everything I taught you. I'm proud of you little brother.' Tears were streaming both their faces now, saying goodbye to the person you love the most in the world was the most painful feeling.

'Dean, I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do without you? You're my brother my father, my best friend, I can't lose you. I love you Dean.'

'You will be fine Samantha, you're a big girl now. Come on now Sammy don't cry, you will be fine.'

Sam didn't believe him for a moment.

OoOoOoO

Dean had a lot of talks with Pastor Jim and Bobby, he had to make sure they will take care of Sam and John. There was still one person he didn't spoke with though. He kind of felt like John was avoiding him, which shouldn't surprise him. His Dad always runs away from problems, but Dean is dying so tough it's going to happen.

He sets it out as if they were left alone by accident, so John had no time to run.

'Dad, I need to speak to you'

'It's not a good time Dean, I need to actually speak with your doctor, you see…'

'Dad, look at me. I know what you're doing, but please just give me a minute ok?' John reluctantly sat down.

'So, I have few things to say. First I want Sammy to take the Impala, you know she's kind of the only home we ever had so, I just want him to have her ok. Dad…you need to let Sammy go, don't guilt trip him into staying. I know you're proud of him so for once in your life show it to him. He's a good kid and he loves you, sometimes I think you're just too much alike to get along. He's just as stubborn as you. I…I love you Dad and I will say hi to Mum from you.' Dean smiled at his Dad, tears in his eyes, he expected some kind of response but John was just staring at him.

'Aren't ya going to say anything? Come on old man I've just poured my heart.'

'Dean I …what can I say? How am I supposed to do it? You want me to say goodbye, but how can I? You're my child and you're… Son I love you, I should have said it more often I've always assumed you boys know but still I should …And I can't even begin to say how proud of you I am. You're the best son a man could ask for. After your mum died I've let my five year old take care of me. And I'm so sorry for that, for the childhood you never had, I don't think there's another person as strong as you Son. And I'm not going to say goodbye to you. Not ever. I love you Dean with all my heart.'

Dean wonder if they all turned into chick this past week, they cried more than people in soap operas.

OoOoOoOo

Dean closed his eyes with a feeling of content. He was ready, he was prepared. He lost this fight but that's ok, he deserved rest.

Dean closed his eyes on Thursday.

OoOoOoO

On Friday he was still asleep which worried his family, even more when doctor King came to check on him made a weird face and left immediately after. He came back just ten minutes later this time with another doctor who they saw on occasion. They ask everyone to leave the room without explanation. The silence fallowed them to the corridor where for fifteen next minutes they avoided looking at each other. John jump to his feet as soon as doctor King exit Dean's room.

'Doctor? Is he …what's wrong?'

'Actually nothing, ok maybe not nothing he's still very sick, but his fever is down, he's vitals seem to get back to normal, of course we need more test but from what we can see now I would say the transplant took.'

'What? Is that even possible?'

'Yes, it happens, maybe not as often as medicine would wish but …'

'Wait so you let us think there's nothing else we can do, and didn't bother to mention there's still a chance for my son to live!?'

'John, it's true that I could have mention it, but I would hate to give a false hope if there were none.'

'Well, you still should've it would spare me some gray hair. Can we see him now?'

'We want to take him for more test, confirm our suspicions, go home take a shower, eat something it will probably take about two hours'

'Ok not a bad idea. One more question, if he's getting better why he didn't woke up since yesterday?'

'My guess is his body needed time to repair, rest while transplant was taking in.'

'Good that's good, ok I will see you in two hours'

They were back at the hospital before that time, all too anxious to wait longer for any news. Dean was already in his room, and to their relief he was finally awake.

'Dean man, how are you doing?'

'I'm good Sammy, heard a good news.'

'Yeah, the best news I've ever heard'

'It's not that easy to get rid of me'

**TBC**

SPN***********************************************************************SPN

_Tam tam tam ! I know I'm a very bad person. So yeah here you go. Hope you enjoyed. I have to be honest it made me really sad when I was writing. So next chapter will be the last one and then maybe something different with hurt Dean? thinks Lots of love xxx_


	13. Chapter 13

_**Chapter 13! Enjoy!**_

For the first time, while he was walking down the corridor Sam noticed the colors of the walls, pictures that hang there, numbers on the doors. He was going slow, pushing a precious cargo. Dean was annoyed at the fact that even that he wanted to refuse the wheelchair he couldn't argue with the nurse. Already three weeks since the transplant took and he still was weak as a kitten. He could barley walk to the bathroom without a tight grip on a IV stand. Doctor King tried to explain to him, that his body needs to build up muscles and fat from where he was sick and from all the treatments. Also he was still recovering so he was only allowed few PT sessions to build up some strength. But right now that was all forgotten as for the first time in over three month he was going to see the outside world. Sam opened the door and pushed him to the little square hospital staff called their garden. It was bit chilly, hence Dean was bundled up in many cloths and blankets, his family was overprotective sometimes. He still shivered a little.

'Dean it's too cold for you, maybe we should go back inside.'

'Chill Bro, we won't be long. Doc said we only have five minutes so let me enjoy it. I will be fine, I have so many layers on me I would probably be warm at North Pole as well.'

'Ok, ok. So how does it feel, finally being outside?'

'Awesome!' They grinned at each other for a moment and then Dean decided to finally ask Sam some questions.

'So Sammy boy, when are you coming back to Stanford?'

'I don't know, I didn't really give it a thought.'

'Come on Sam, you can't lose your scholarship.'

'I know Dean and I won't, I have it all figured out, but it's almost April, I've already missed so much, I spoke with my Dean on the phone last week. I will stay with you through the summer and start again next year.'

'Sam, I'm so sorry, if it wasn't for me you would be able to stay at school ...'

'Dean stop it, I don't blame you for anything, I'm happy I was here with you …and Dad. And I'm going back to school; I won't even lose my scholarship.'

'That's great Sammy, so you want to stay with me and Dad? Are you sure?'

'Yeah, I think so, me and Dad are at good terms now, and I want to help you get better.'

'That would be great, but don't think you will be my nurse Sammy'

'I will let Dad take that role, I will just make you chill with me in front of a TV'

OoOoOoO

Dean left the hospital a month later, he looked a lot better, he wasn't as pale anymore, and had a lot more energy. John was so happy to see his boy face lit up as soon as he saw the Impala glowing in the sun. He thanked whoever was watching over them, that his son survived this horrific time and could now live his life.

They brought Dean to the house they were living in while he was at hospital, not really wanting to leave the town yet, and lose the connection to the medical staff that knew Dean's case. Dean knew just by that how hard it hit his Dad. Usually when they were hurt, they would stick somewhere for them to be able to function on only one Vicodin rather than three before they would hot tail whatever shithole they were in. This time he could see how much John actually cared. It was nice, being a family again. There was less fighting for which Dean was thankful although it was probably only because Dad and Sam tried not to stress him out. He knew that as soon as he feels better they will blow and he will play a buffer again. But for now all he could do was to go for a short walks, and he hated how tired he was after only about two miles. But he did it every day and he was getting stronger, he continued with his PT and had checkups every week for a first month. But life was good now, he was pretty content.

It was getting closer to July when he noticed. They both did, but none of them wanted to address it. There was a lot more papers scattered over the table, news channels we're on the telly and John was almost always on the phone. They knew he was just aching for a new hunt. So Dean decided to finally confront him. He knew perfectly what was keeping John in one place.

'Dad?'

'Yeah son?'

'May I speak to you?'

'Sure, what is it? Dean? Is everything ok? Are in any pain, what's wrong' well, Dean should have expected that so why didn't he? Now John was next to him, hands on him, under his chin, with Dad pointing his face towards light for a better view.

'I'm going to call doctor King, stay here, and sit down.'

'Dad stop!'

'What?'

'I'm ok, there's nothing wrong. I just wanted to talk to you.'

'Oh, ok.'

'I think you should go.' He quickly corrected himself when he saw the look on Johns face 'I mean, we should go, leave this place, find a new hunt. Dad I know you want to and that I'm holding you back.'

'Dean that's not true, I want to be we you, make sure you're all right.'

'I know Dad, but you also want to hunt and what I want to say is that it's ok, I will be fine. Better let me come with you, you need backup.'

'Aha, not going to happen.' He honestly has no idea when he's going to let Dean hunt again, maybe after he's in remission for five years? Yeah, that's a good plan.

'Well I'm definitely coming with you, Sam is going back to school and I'm not going to the Nerdcity.'

'We'll see about that, maybe Sammy will come with us.'

'You know he won't, and don't even try to start anything with him. Dad do you really want to lose him again? He's been talking about coming back to school for weeks now, you know that. Don't make him choose again.'

'Choose what?' Of course Sam decided it will be the best moment to walk into the room. Dean was supposed to actually wait for his brother to have this talk with John, but he was never good at fallowing rules so why break the habit?

'Nothing Sam.'

'You're brother wants to go on a hunt.'

'Are you crazy, you're not even fully recovered, he's not going anywhere Dad.'

'Do you really think I would let him go on a hunt Sam, I don't want your brother out there as much as you.'

'But? Come on I can hear a 'but' in there.'

'But he is right, I'm getting restless and people are still dying out there, you boys will be alright without me for few weeks?'

'We will, but Dad I'm leaving in a month.'

'I will definitely be fine in a month come on, you don't expect me to sit on my ass for a next month do you?'

'Actually I do, and I never imagined your brother having a problem with taking care of you, you did that for him for years.'

Well damn, Dean really hoped he still had some time before his Dad and Sam will have a go at it, but now shit is definitely going to hit the fan.

'You know I would take care of him, but I need to go back to school, and don't forget you're a father here, it supposed to be your job not mine!'

'Ok! Stop it right now, you're not going to fight again, especially not because of me!'

But they paid no attention to him, to lost in their anger. Dean had to do something he couldn't let his family to fall apart again. So he did one thing that came to his mind.

'Argh!' a cry of what sounded like pain escaped his mouth at the same time he slide to the couch, clutching his stomach, he was a con man and he was not ashamed of it.

'Dean!' Both man jump to his side, asking questions and checking him out.

'What is it? Where's does it hurt? Sam get the car, I will help your brother!'

'Sam wait, I'm ok …seriously guys. Now that you stopped yelling I'm golden.' He shot them a sheepish grin.

'Dean Winchester don't you dare do that ever again!'

'Sorry.'

'Okay, let's talk like civilized people.'

And they did, they spoke for a long time, it was challenging for Sam and John but in the end they came to a consensus.

OoOoOooO

John smiled to Dean as they watched Sam's bus drive away. Maybe this time he actually did something right by his boys, maybe they can still be a family. Mary would want that, she would want them to be happy.

John insides were still twisting in fear of not being able to protected Sam when his at school but Dean was by his side all the time and he almost left the world of living so maybe it was a time to loosen up a bit.

Dean slide into a driving site of Impala, happy to be driving his baby again. He was on the road with his Dad, Sammy was happy on his way to Stanford with a promise of weekly phone calls and Christmas they want to sped at Jim's, life was good for Dean at that moment.

Little did he know that in few years it will only be a memory, and he will be driving around the country looking for his Dad with a little brother mourning a pretty blond girl that burned on the celling.

**THE END**

**SPN************************************************************************SPN**

I'm so sorry guys, I've made you wait for so long! But school is crazy right now and my life is pretty hectic at the moment.

So here it is the last lucky chapter 13, really hope you like it. I've tried to tie some lose ends, but at the end I wanted to stay true to cannon.

Now to the next journey! I'm actually thinking about a crossover story with Grey's Anatomy and of course more hurt Dean… let me know what you think about this idea, or maybe you have any request any prompts? I will be more than happy to do something like that but I don't promise it will be fast going. Anyway like always lots of love xxx


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